he is an orthopedic surgeon, also a part-time model, and he is the first spaceflight participant in malaysia, GOSH. . . couldn't be more perfect.( and. . . . he is single)

trust is like jumping down from high place but still believing there will be someone to hold u ultimately. (u might get hurt, or might not)

there was a lil gathering with one of my best friends, eamon, the one who always treats me like her brother. . .
we did smoke like chimney as we find nothing else can make us feel cooler, by critizing the all innocent passerby, we found our biggest interest. ^^(i know i deserve to go to hell when i was died), anyway, on the way back, we were squeezing in the train but still successfully made a lil corner for inner chat, and i was very impressed by how intently she wanted to remind me about the way i gonna go, sometimes u will always got lost in where u r heading to, but the one who always stand aside could easily point out how the whole things happening, things always keep changing and the initially passionate is always my only concern. . . its kind of shame for being reminded about my own stuff from another person but not me, myself. it definitely shown me how lil concern i've paid in these few years. . . . buck up. . . let's get it!

lily allen, the littlest thing

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if only for one weekend
So come on, Tell me
Is this the end?

Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
There's no one in the world that could replace you

Do you think, everything, everyone, is going mental,
It seems to me that it's spiralling outta control and it's inevitable,
Now don't you think,
This time is yours, this time is mine,
Its temperamental,
It seems to me, we're on all fours,
Crawling on our knees,
Someone help us please

Oh Jesus Christ almighty,
Do I feel alright? No not slightly,
I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it,
It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage,
Well it's very funny cos I got your f***in money,
And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble,
I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

Oh yeah, I'm fine,
Everything's just wonderful,
I'm having the time of my life.

Don't you want something else,
Something new, than what we've got here,
And don't you feel it's all the same,
Some sick game and it's not insincere,
I wish I could change the ways of the world,
Make it a nice place
Until that day, I guess we stay,
Doing what we do
Screwing who we screw

Why can't I sleep at night,
Don't say it's gonna be alright,
I wanna be able to eat spaghetti bolognaise,
and not feel bad about it for days and days and days.
In the magazines they talk about weight loss,
If I buy those jeans I can look like kate moss,
Oh no it's not the life I chose,
But I guess that's the way that things go,


Oh Jesus Christ almighty,
Do I feel alright? No not slightly,
I wanna get a flat I know I can't afford it,
It's just the bureaucrats who won't give me a mortgage,
Well it's very funny cos I got your f***in money,
And I'm never gonna get it just because of my bad credit
Oh well I guess I mustn't grumble,
I suppose that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

i had a talk with my dad tis morning, when we started to talk about 'dream', he told me tat the only thing he want to do for the rest of his life is to hold my mom's hand, walking under the dawn. . .i cant believe my dad dare to say such a disgusting words in front of me, however, he showed me how does true love like. . .

stomachache.. . . . damn it!

passion is fresh,
but short,
it would not always be there constantly,
most of the time,
theres a lot of fun at first,
but not much the next.
tats the reason why i love u tat much,
cos i don know when would it be gone.
i can't imagine yr kiss still touching my heart,
cos i really like your kiss to wake me up.
the path tat i travel,
is the path less travelled.
you are the one who spurred me on,
i used to be so full of myself,
overestimated. . .
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
let's no one tell u tat u can't do anything,
sometimes i thought i couldn't let sth go,
by turning around,
times will wash the past away,
but leave down a beautiful stain.
the fastest forgotten thing,
is our last night dream,
and i have no idea how much details has been added on.
the dream might not tat beautiful,
but we always create some surreal to make it flawless. . .

the place i'm looking for is the place where i make something can almost (but not quite) be understand by everyone.

You give me a chance to increase the warm heart,
But the price is beyond my imagination.
I hate being stuck by everyone.
The quieter I become,
The more you can hear.
I hate beautiful
Cos it really takes time to bear away. . .
Have u ever spare a thought on me?
Perhaps, I’m not mature enough to handle it,
Too little too late,
We were so close to each other,
But i can feel the distance.
People think that I missed out a chance,
But I think this is the way to save a chance.
Why let-go can’t be learned from book,
Cos I really need some guide.
I have hope,
To see your smile again,
Cos you touch me with your smile . . .
(I wish I could quit u. . .)

many thanks to peggie!!

it was a fun but definitely not a healthy night.

another "finally understand".
another "finally realise". . .

好听的歌总是在不留意的情况听到，
也不一定特别好听，
只是在对的心情， 对的时间播出。
就像我的伴侣不一定是最好的，
只是在对的时间，对的地点，
有对的感觉。。
越来越明白香烟的功用，
小时候很讨厌抽烟的人，
可是不开心时，
却是这个小东西在陪你。
我们都是观看犯错的观众，
不停地犯错，
不停地道歉。
得不到的为什么比较令人难忘?
不想因为任何人而变得不自己，
所以都没有好好的爱，
感觉还是有的，
只是人变了，
觉得抱紧不一定等于拥有，
离开也不代表失去。
对我来说，
如果可以坦荡荡的在街上牵手，
是一件多么幸福的事。
难得糊涂。。。。

the best thing might not happened under the best situation.
the worst thing might not happened under the worst situation.
the best thing might not be tat best,
the worst thing might not be tat worst.

she said her heart is more painful than the tattoo.

im a bit tipsy today, well, more than tipsy and about to be drunk, i've been so long for not drinking like u don even hav to bother the next day, ( the fact is i don hav to work the next day ), anyway, i just think tat is not the right way to make life turn out like this way which u r not expecting it to be like this, evrytime i came to kl, the mood of working hard start appearing in my mind as a sign to remind me its time for me to make any changes for my life, to constribute on my job is definetely a must but im kind of think tat im so sick of singapore, i think they are the way too up tight singaporean and they think that im the way too lay back malaysian. . . erm, i cant do anything but lets put all the things behind tomorro, good night. . .

天气热得我一度以为世界末日要到了。
幸好今天下了雨。
我才比较活得过来，
我的旅行家爸爸终于回来了，
还真的有少掉一些寂寞感，
有一种相依为命的感觉，
他也坦然地说想念我那崇洋的妈妈，
毕竟不只是夫妻，
还是个终生伴侣。
人长越大，就越需要一个伴，
这个道理我当然还不明白，
可是却从爸爸的背影深深的体会到。
我以后真的需要一个伴吗？
我只能说他们是幸福的，
因为不是每个人都一定会遇到对的人，
陪你结伴到老。。。
我有一个很好的背景，
难免会有所憧憬，
但还是回抱着随缘的态度去过，
也不相信什么天长地久，
可能我还没遇到吧。
很想下雪。。。

don look back, the beautiful is yet to be found.

the past always seep into my mind as I was contemplating unintentionally, it brought me to the scene that we were going back from dinner, he turned on the radio and I heard that song with a simple voice and guitar, I fall in love with that song at once and wondering if I could get the title of the song immediately, without any consideration, I requested him to find it out from the dj who was on duty at that time, (in fact, the dj is his ex bf), he did make this call but we somehow didn’t get it lastly, I have no idea how much embarrassment I made for them but I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t even notice about this, I’m not that mean keep insisting him to make this call for me and I understand how does it feel like if my ex bf called me and ask something for his present partner, if I was him, of course, I’m not that freakable but i would definitely have that sense of. . .down, in the end, our relationship ended a year ago, he married.
Within this year, I have yet to create meaningful emotional connections with significant others, emptiness, more than a bit, sometimes I deny this emptiness, sometimes I immerse it even more deeply in my work, but eventually I face up to my internal questions and decide to make a change to my life, we did have a good time but just not be the same again.
One day, I past through my colleague's desk and I hear that familiar song, it is the song that I’d been looking for, “ bizarre love triangle”, not as excited as I expect I would be, but more like the feeling of i-got-it-lastly, like I always said, there will be if there is.
its kind of hard for me to enter into such a commitment with confidence and personal conviction, the risks increased falling in love are that the relationship may not work out, compare that risk with working hard, it looks like there is more guarantee u will succeed in career than in love. I’m not saying that I’m utterly disappointed in serious relationship but. . . balancing, I find somewhere to put my heart to, and I think I make it right as I feel much easier than before, I still indulging in dating, sweet talk, and love, but its more manageable and more . . . carpe-diem, ha.
I only trust the thing that I see, not just only words, i hope u understand. . .

i finally got it, for the reason why u were keep calling me tat day. . .
(why didnt u tell me earlier as you are leaving?)

tats so many unsure surrounding me, too many anonymous, illusion, yet, im not ready to step in any state of changes, i mean mentally prepared, and i've decided to keep silence, it might not tat workable but at least, not going to hurt anyone. . . all i need is time.