Dear Fans,

I just wanted to reach out to all of you and explain some of the things that I have been faced with recently.

It's so funny how many stories are put out there about people. It's like we all want our side of the story out there as well, but at the end of the day only a few people care to hear what is really going on since the bad is always so much more interesting than the truth. I don't know why, but this is so weird to me. I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn't be here.

Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.

This letter is to not place blame on anyone, although I do see the world with a completely different set of eyes now. Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person ... it is me. When I was little I remember every night watching movies with my family and feeling so at peace. Dancing and singing all the time just like a little girl should. Now recently I find with my children that I want them to have that feeling all of the time. I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough.

I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and I hate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the reason for this letter ... to maybe allow people to look at me differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a "bitch."

I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.

I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons are asleep. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Everyday is so surreal. Life in general is so surreal and crazy.

I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want...and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him ... or her.

Love, Britney

okay, i have to admit that people is keep changing and u have no idea about who is the next they will be, and sometimes changing bring some new thought into your mind, human is weird, yea true, when u initially love pink, u will find yourself so outstanding of being different by the others, but when all the people come to pink, u just not going to like it anymore. . .

最近的是非海滿多的...原來人的口是你我也控制不了的東西.人類喜歡用個人的眼睛來judge別人,難道你能怨她膚淺嗎?他們畢竟是人類, 是同類...
最近的生活海滿平靜的,但就是有受一點打擾,嚮往一種不受打擾的心情,我知道很難. . .
不受人打擾, 要做到沒有牽掛,沒有遺憾,這些看似擾人的東西,卻是我身體的一部分,甩不開的. . .
環境變的陌生,原來是衝來都沒有放下心來看這世界,也重來沒有忘記該忘的人与事.
我不是努力去想起,而是有一點怕忘記. . .

they said a picture can say thousand words. . .

the more i know the world,
the smaller i realised i am. . .
time is kind of the thing tat u really cant put in under your control,
but the truth is, when there is a chance to bring u back to the time before,
u probably not gonna do it. . .

"While each memory has its own context, the light that strikes each of these appears in complex interplay inside me and is regenerated as a new memory of light, which in turn continues to require and presage the further stimulation of the next light and memory. The one place where all of these cycles of light and memory converge is "history." Photographs are fossils of light and memory, and photographs are the history of memory."
Daido Moriyama, "Myth of Light" from Memories of a Dog

i didn't back to home last night. . .

some one told me tat im a dreamer, cos i always drowning in the state of dreaming, urm. . . its not a sickness but it certainly is a weakness, haha, finally i put on my smile. . .and the reality is kind of a smile in sorrow.

after getting scold by the fuckin asshole customer and u r keen to get someone to cry on, but u got none in the end to hear yr rubbish, tat life is like kind of death. . .

life is like baking a cheesecake with full of heart and waiting for the moment to taste it with full of excitement, i think tat would be awesome. . .

i hate routine. . .
i just so not in the mood to follow,
everything tat u said i should follow. . .and i just gonna hate it.
my body is cold, but my tear is warm. .
where is your innocent shoulder? and the harmless embrace. . .
nothing i intend to talk about, but just a little bit. . . numb?
ya, i guess so, i should forgive all the things tat u do,
but i wont forget all the things tat u've done.
people will change, who able to deny? when the roses started to fall. . .
i believe human would not make the mistake on purpose,
well, evrything done cannot be undone,
especially the mistake tat u've done has linked to others. . .
i feel so numb. . .

im suck. . .
i miss someone somehow. . .
especially when i was fragile,
i tried so hard to let something go but got it back in ease. . .
maybe, it has never gone before but i just never dare to give it a look. . .

actually im so into her.

the atmosphere is serene. . .
under the shelter with my family,
the bird is singing. . .
its all green and clean,
and under the blue blue sky. . .
facing the sea with the sunset. . .
i call it heaven. . .

it was fun and my mood was blur like the pics, we've been such a long time didnt meet up and chill out together. . .due to some reasons tat i really even willing to talk about, i understand tat every ppl have the right to choose wat they wan, but i just feel upset to be disturded. . . i don do it in order to prove something but just go on with my life and do wat feel right. . .anyway, thanks guys, it was awesome!!

i watched this movie recently. . .

you are a butterfly,
so you have to fly. . .