the past always seep into my mind as I was contemplating unintentionally, it brought me to the scene that we were going back from dinner, he turned on the radio and I heard that song with a simple voice and guitar, I fall in love with that song at once and wondering if I could get the title of the song immediately, without any consideration, I requested him to find it out from the dj who was on duty at that time, (in fact, the dj is his ex bf), he did make this call but we somehow didn’t get it lastly, I have no idea how much embarrassment I made for them but I swear I didn’t do it on purpose, I didn’t even notice about this, I’m not that mean keep insisting him to make this call for me and I understand how does it feel like if my ex bf called me and ask something for his present partner, if I was him, of course, I’m not that freakable but i would definitely have that sense of. . .down, in the end, our relationship ended a year ago, he married.
Within this year, I have yet to create meaningful emotional connections with significant others, emptiness, more than a bit, sometimes I deny this emptiness, sometimes I immerse it even more deeply in my work, but eventually I face up to my internal questions and decide to make a change to my life, we did have a good time but just not be the same again.
One day, I past through my colleague's desk and I hear that familiar song, it is the song that I’d been looking for, “ bizarre love triangle”, not as excited as I expect I would be, but more like the feeling of i-got-it-lastly, like I always said, there will be if there is.
its kind of hard for me to enter into such a commitment with confidence and personal conviction, the risks increased falling in love are that the relationship may not work out, compare that risk with working hard, it looks like there is more guarantee u will succeed in career than in love. I’m not saying that I’m utterly disappointed in serious relationship but. . . balancing, I find somewhere to put my heart to, and I think I make it right as I feel much easier than before, I still indulging in dating, sweet talk, and love, but its more manageable and more . . . carpe-diem, ha.
I only trust the thing that I see, not just only words, i hope u understand. . .